break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sheโs a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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