Nicole vs. Life
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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