well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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