My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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