i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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