I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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