I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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