Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
And then he peed in my hair
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