he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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