I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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