Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize