on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize