I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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