I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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