walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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