I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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