This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize