Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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