shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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