i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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