All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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