Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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