I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize