I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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