i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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