i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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