areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize