I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
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They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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