you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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