Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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