I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
well you can't waste a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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