Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
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HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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