my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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