I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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