I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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