the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
True college students do jello shots in the library
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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