Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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