i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize