yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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