can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
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I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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