ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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