nut hugger
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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