I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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