The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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