no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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