and you said cock pushups were impossible
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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