i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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