my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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