Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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