I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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